A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, "How does this boat float?
The father replied, "Don't rightly know son."
A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, "How do fish breathe underwater?"
Once again the father replied, "Don't rightly know son."
A little later the boy asked his father, "How many fish are we allowed to catch?"
Again, the father replied. "Don't rightly know son."
Finally, the boy asked his father, "Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?"
The father replied, "Of course not, you don't ask questions, you never learn nothin'."
Two guys are talking about their boss's upcoming wedding.
One says, "It's ridiculous, he's rich, but he's 93 years old, and she's just 26! What kind of a wedding is that?"
The other guy says, "Well, we have a name for it in my family."
"What do you call it?"
"We call it a football wedding."
The first guy asks, "What's a football wedding?"
The other guy says, "She's waiting for him to kick off!"
The huge college freshman decided to try out for the football team.
"Can you tackle?" asked the coach.
"Watch this," said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters.
"Wow," said the coach. "I'm impressed. Can you run?"
"Of course I can run," said the freshman. He was off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash.
"Great!" enthused the coach. "But can you pass a football?"
The freshman hesitated for a few seconds. "Well, sir," he said, "if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it."
Coming home from his Little League game, young Bobby swung open the front door very excitedly. Unable to attend the game, his father
immediately wanted to know what had happened at his son's game. "So, how did you do son?" he asked.
"You'll never believe it." Bobby said. "I was responsible for the winning run!"
"Really? How did you do that?" inquired his dad.
Bobby replied, "I dropped the ball."
It was overheard that the USA Olympic Gold medal skier Picabo Street is donating the money she gets from endorsements to the local hospital in Denver.
In return, they are going to name a wing of the hospital after her.
It will be called: "Picabo, I.C.U."
As in many homes on New Year's Day, my wife and I faced the annual conflict of which was more important - the football games on television, or the dinner itself. To keep peace, I
ate dinner with the rest of the family, and even lingered for some pleasant after dinner conversation before retiring to the family room to turn on the game.
Several minutes later, my wife came downstairs and graciously even bought a cold drink for me. She smiled, kissed me on the cheek and asked what the score was. I told her it was the end of the third quarter and that the score was still nothing to nothing.
"See?" she said, continuing to smile, "You didn't miss a thing."
A teacher asks her students if they're Yankees fans. All of the hands go up except for one student.
"Okay, Bobby. What team are you a fan of?"
"The Red Sox."
"Well, my parents are both Red Sox fans, so I'm a Red Sox fan too."
"That's not a good answer, Bobby. If your parents were both morons, would you be a moron too?"
"No, that would make me a Yankees fan!"
One day, the Devil challenged the Lord to a baseball game.
Smiling the Lord proclaimed, "You don't have a chance; I have Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, and all the greatest players up here".
"Yes", snickered the devil, "but I have all the umpires."