Billy Bob, Bubba and Floyd were in the pub enjoying a few quiet drinks one night, when they decided to get in on the weekly raffle.
They bought five $1 tickets each, seeing it was for charity.
The following week, when the raffle was drawn, they each won a prize.
Billy Bob won first prize - a whole year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce.
Bubba was the winner of the second prize - six month's supply of extra-long gourmet spaghetti.
And Floyd won the sixth prize - a toilet brush.
When they met in the pub a week later, Floyd asked the others how they were enjoying their prizes.
"Great," said Billy Bob. "I love spaghetti."
"So do I," said Bubba. "And how's the toilet brush, Floyd?"
"Not so good," Floyd said, "I reckon I'll go back to paper."
There were two backwoods hillbillies living across the river from each other, who feuded constantly. Billy Bob hated Clarence with a passion and never passed up a chance to
throw rocks across the river at Clarence. This went on for years until one day the Corps of Engineers came to build a bridge across that river. Billy Bob was elated; he told his
wife that finally he was going to get the chance to cross over and whip Clarence.
He left the house and returned in a matter of minutes. His wife asked what was wrong, didn't he intend to go over the bridge and whip Clarence? He replied that he never had really seen Clarence up close and didn't realize his size until he started over the bridge and saw the sign: "CLEARANCE 8 FT 3 IN"
The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the US auto makers for the past five years,
whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four-wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents,
the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash. They were surprised to find in 47 of the 50 states the last words of drivers
in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were, "Oh, No"
Only the states of South Carolina, West Virginia and Arkansas were different, where over 89.3 percent of the final words were, "Hold my beer and watch this!"
At the police station, Bubba explained to the police officer why his cousins shot him.
"Well," Bubba began, "We wuz havin' a good time drinking, when my cousin Ray picked up his shotgun and said, 'Hey, do ya fellows wanna go hunting?'"
"And then what happened?" the officer asked.
"From what I remember," Bubba said, "I stood up and said, 'Sure, I'm game.'"
A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number.
The Redneck says, "I want my $20 million."
The man replies, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years."
The Redneck says, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it."
Again, the man explain that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.
The Redneck, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! If you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my dollar back!"
Two redneck guys go on a fishing trip.
They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods.
They spend a fortune.
The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything.
The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day.
It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.
As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?"
The other guy says, "Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"
So a dude turns to the guy next to him at a bar and asks, "Hey, you wanna hear a redneck story?
"The guy says, "Buddy, I'm six feet, 210 pounds, an' ma name's Billy Joe. You see the guy on the other side of you? That there's Bubba. He's 225 pounds of solid muscle and he's a redneck. And the boy next to him? Mike's a trucker who weighs 295 and he's a redneck, too. Now, do you still want to tell your redneck story?"
The fella says, "Naw, you're right. . . I'd hate to have to explain it three times!"