A young man was pulled over by the Mississippi State Police for speeding. The officer stepped out of his patrol car, adjusted his sunglasses, and swaggered up to the young man's window. "What chew driving so fast for boy? You going to a fire? Let me see your license, boy."
The young man handed over his license.
Then the officer noticed that the back seat of the car was full of large knives. The officer said, "Tell me boy, why you got them knives on that there back seat?"
The young man replied, "Well sir, I'm a juggler."
The officer spat some tobacco juice and then he said, "A juggler; well you don't say. Boy, put cha hands on the trunk of yer car; you going to jail!"
The young man pleaded with the officer not to take him to jail. He offered to prove to the officer that he was a juggler by way of demonstration. He said, "You can even hold me at gunpoint while I juggle for you."
The officer reluctantly allowed him to prove his point while he held him at gunpoint.
Two miles down the road at Joe's Tavern, Billy Bob was drinking it up with Jerry Lee Jones. Billy Bob soon left and got into his old, rusty pickup truck. He proceeded down the road trying his best to stay on the right side. All of a sudden Billy Bob spotted the most unbelievable sight of his life! He drove to the nearest phone booth and dialed the number for Joe's Tavern and asked for his buddy, Jerry Lee.
When Jerry Lee got on the phone, Billy Bob said, "Whatever you do when you leave that tavern, don't go north on route 109. The state police are giving a sobriety test that nobody can pass!"
A redneck farmer walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asked, "May I help you?"
The farmer said, "Yea, I want to get one of those deevorces."
The attorney said, "Well do you have any grounds?"
The farmer said, "Yea, I got about 140 acres."
The attorney said, "No, you don't understand, do you have a case?"
The farmer said, "No, I don't have a Case, I have a John Deere."
The attorney said, "No you don't understand, I mean do you have a grudge?"
The farmer said, "Yea I got a grudge, that's where I park my John Deere."
The attorney said, "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?"
The farmer said, "Yes sir, I got a suit. I wear it to church on Sundays."
The exasperated attorney said, "Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?"
The farmer said, "No sir, we both get up about 4:30."
Finally, the attorney says, "Okay, let me put it this way. WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?"
And the farmer says, "Well, I can never have a meaningful conversation with her."
Big Jimbo sauntered into his local Post Office, and noticed a new sign on the wall:
MAN WANTED FOR ROBBERY IN MONTANA
"Dang it!" he said, "If only that job was in Texas, Ah'd be a takin it!"
Once, a redneck asked me, "What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?"
I said, "What?"
He said, "Nothing - you already told her TWICE!"
There was a sheriff looking for a deputy, so a Redneck went in to apply for the job.
"OK," the sheriff said, "What is 1+1?"
"11," the Redneck replied.
"What two days of the week start with the letter T?"
"Today and tomorrow."
"Now the last one. Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"
The Redneck thought really hard and finally said, "I don't know."
"Well, why don't you go home and work on that," the sheriff told him.
So the Redneck went home and his wife asked him how it went, and the Redneck replied, "Great! He already put me on a murder case!"
A man from Kentucky came home and found his house on fire, rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry over here. My house is on fire!"
"Okay" replied the fireman, "How do we get there?"
"Don't you still have those big red trucks?"