A young couple got married and went away on their honeymoon. After two weeks they came back and finally put away all of the presents they received from friends and family. Since this was a new home, the process took some time.
A week later, they received in the mail two tickets for a popular show where tickets were impossible to get. They were very excited and warmed by the gesture of the person who sent this. Inside the envelope, however, was only a small piece of paper with a single line, "Guess who sent them."
The pair had much fun trying to identify the donor, but failed in the effort. They went to the theatre, and had a wonderful time. On their return home late at night, still trying to guess the identity of the unknown host, they realized that they bad been robbed! They found the house stripped of every article of value.
And on the bare table in the dining room was a piece of paper on which was written in the same hand as the enclosure with the tickets:
"Now you know!"
A man will pay $2.00 for a $1.00 item he wants. A woman will pay $1.00 for a $2.00 item she does not want!
Young Son: Is it true. Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until be marries her! Dad: That happens in every country son.
There were two gates in heaven. One gate had the sign over it saying, "For Men whose wives ruled over them." The other had a sign saying, "For men who were the head of their house."
The line for the men who had been dominated was as long as the eye could see. The other line only had one many standing there.
St. Peter asked the man, "Why are you standing in this line? the man said, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."
An old man and woman were married for years, even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation,
screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up
and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"
Neighbors feared him. They believed he practiced black magic because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighborhood. The old man liked the fact he was feared.
To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 68. His wife had a closed casket at the wake. After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.
Her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked , "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?"
The wife put down her drink and said, "Let the old creep dig. I had him buried upside down."
During a heated spat over finances the husband said, "Well, if you'd
learn to cook and were willing to clean this place, we could fire the
The wife, fuming, shot back, "Oh yeah??? Well, if you'd learn how to make love, we could fire the chauffeur and the gardener."
A husband was trying to prove to his wife that women talk more than men. He showed her a study which indicated that men use about 10,000 words per day, whereas women use 20,000 words per day.
His wife thought about this for a while. She then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.
Her husband looked stunned. He said "What?"
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do
you let in first?
The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
A married couple, both 60 years old, was celebrating their 35th anniversary. During their party, a fairy appeared to congratulate them and grant them each one wish. The wife wanted to travel around the world.
The fairy waved her magic wand and poof, the wife had tickets in her hand for a world cruise. Next, the fairy asked the husband what he wanted.
He said; "I wish I had a wife 30 years younger than me." So the fairy picked up her magic wand and poof, the husband was 90.
There are two times a man doesn't understand a woman, before marriage and after marriage!