Why didn't the quarter roll down the hill with the nickel?
Because it had more cents.
What would you call two banana skins?
A pair of slippers.
Why did the belt go to jail?
Because it held up a pair of pants!
What kind of star is dangerous?
A shooting star!
What did the adult chimney say to the kid chimney?
You're too young to smoke.
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?
In case they get a hole in one!
What's in an astronaut's favorite sandwich?
Where can you find an ocean with no water?
On a map.
What did the evil chicken lay?
What did the stamp say to the envelope for fun?
Stick with me and you'll go places!
Where do pianists go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.
Two flies are on the porch. Which one is the actor?
The one on the screen!
What do you get when you put three ducks in a box?
A box of quackers.
Witches the way to go home?
Teacher: In 1940, what were the Poles doing in Russia?
Pupil: Holding up the telegraph lines!
How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
Footprints in the cheesecake.
Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
Because his class was so bright!
Where does a bat eat his dinner?
On home plate, and he has a ball.
If a rooster lays an egg on the peak of a roof. Which side of the roof does the egg roll down, the left or right?
Neither. Roosters don't lay eggs.