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The following excerpt came to me in an ezine called "Dave's Daily Chuckle".  I thought it was so funny and so accurately depicts both of my cats!!  Just had to pass it along to you here - and if you don't recognize your cat here, don't let 'em read these rules!  Read them now - you'll see what I mean!  Also, stop by Dave's site sometime and sign up for his very humorous ezine today!- Good, clean fun!!
Visit the site: Daily Chuckle

Join the Daily Chuckle: mailto:daily_chuckle-subscribe@egroups.com

 Just recently found a site which says the author of these rules is Cynthia B. Whitney.  Her website is: http://www.castlepurrs.com/.  We mention this because we always try to note the author of material presented on our site - whenever possible.

 

 

And now, the rules for cats:

RULES FOR CATS TO LIVE BY

  DOORS:

  Do not allow any closed doors in any room. To get door
  open, stand on  hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door
  is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered
  an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in and out and think
  about several things. This is particularly important during
  cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season. Swinging doors
  are to be avoided at all costs.


  CHAIRS AND RUGS:

  If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly.
  If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there
  is no Oriental rug, shag is good. When throwing up on the carpet,
  make sure you back up so it is as long as a human's bare foot.


  BATHROOMS:

  Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not
  necessary to do anything. Just sit and stare.


  HAMPERING:

  If one of your humans is engaged in some close
  activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is
  called "helping," otherwise known as "hampering." Following are
  the rules for "hampering."

  1) When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of
  the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance
  of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted.

  2) For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes
  and book, unless you can lie across the book itself.

  3) For knitting projects or paperwork, lie on the work in the
  most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work
  as possible or at least the most important part. Pretend to
  doze, but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or
  knitting needles.
  The worker may try to distract you; ignore it. Remember, the
  aim is to hamper work. Embroidery and needlepoint projects
  make great hammocks in spite of what humans may tell you.

  4) For people paying bills (monthly activity) or working on
  income taxes or Christmas cards (annual activity), keep in
  mind the aim: to hamper! First, sit on the paper being worked
  on. When dislodged, watch sadly from the side of the table. When
  activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the papers, scattering
  them to the best of your ability. After being removed for the
  second time, push pens, pencils, and erasers off the table, one
  at a time.

  5) When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her,
  be sure to jump on the back of the paper. They love to jump.

  6)  When human is working at computer, jump up on desk, walk
  across keyboard, bat at mouse pointer on screen and then lay
  in human's lap across arms, hampering typing in progress!


  WALKING:

  As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as
  possible in front of the human, especially: on stairs, when
  they have something in their arms, in the dark, and when they
  first get up in the morning. This will help their coordination
  skills.


  BEDTIME:

  Always sleep on the human at night so he/she cannot
  move around.


  When using the litter box, be sure to kick as much litter out
  of the box as possible. Humans love the feel of kitty litter
  between their toes.


  Every now and then, hide in a place where the humans cannot
  find you. Do not come out for three to four hours under any
  circumstances. This will cause the humans to panic (which they
  love) thinking that you have run away or are lost. Once you do
  come out, the humans will cover you with love and kisses and you
  will probably get a treat.

 

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